The Gun Show....Coming Soon to a Eleni Near You!

I am exhausted today. My entire body hurts and all I want to do is crawl right back into my bed. I still have work to finish, a work out, dinner and serious studying to do. Along with a cat to clean up after. Today does not look promising.

Andrew and I have been working out everyday (but Monday) this week. Surprisingly I want to stick with it. (Even today, when I feel like my entire body is just a block of cement!) Muscles that I never knew I had, that I probably once learned about having, are sore. Especially in my arms. I have a ridiculous looking bruise on my knee from racquetball, and I got a little envious of the people in the spinning class that was going on while I was playing yesterday. Maybe when I'm at some sort of fitness level I'll sign up for Spinning again.

I joke around and say that the only reason I'm working out is so I can be really cheesey and ask people if they have tickets....to the gun show. Which is funny, but it's not the real reason. I don't even know what the real reason is. I just know that for a long time, I've wanted to be stronger, leaner, healthier, able to run without losing my breath. I feel like now I finally have someone that wants the same thing I do. It'll make me appreciate the outdoors more if I don't always feel like I have to sit down.

Next weekend I leave. How exciting and yet terrifying. Did I mention I hate flying. I HATE flying! But I think I'll have fun. I look forward to it, that's for sure. At least I'll be able to finally decide if I want to do this for the rest of forever. I'm getting somewhere though. Baby steps, but it's in a general direction.

Already I know that:
1. I'd like to work in an Academic setting. I experience the corporate world, I wasn't happy there. I'm happy here.
2. I'd like to advise students some day. I see the advisors do it and I feel like I could do that one day.
3. I've definitely narrowed down a research topic. Now I just have to research it.

So in the coming months, this is what I have to do:

1. Email admissions and find out how I go about going back to school.
2. Research my topic (more) and professors(more).
3. Email a butt load of people just to figure out what I'm doing.


So I sorta have a game plan. I'm getting somewhere. I guess I'm becoming more of an adult more responsible and goal orientated. (I'm still enamored with Hello Kitty, Cartoons and video games, there's no way I'm an adult!)

I'm finally getting to the point where I realize, that I actually have to work for what I want, and that's ok. I'm not going to do everything perfectly the first time and it's ok. Which I kinda always knew, but I sometimes felt that I was better than that.

I mean sometimes I get crazy ideas, like going to Merchant Marine Academy....because secretly I really want to do that. We'll see, I've got plenty of years ahead of me (unless I die on the plane next week and realistically only another 2 years to decide on Merchant Marine Academy, but for everything else, I have time)

Enough babble...there are transcripts to look over!

Balls The Size of Raisins...

Sometimes I wish I had the gall to post some of my real journal entries on the internet. I might have a lot more readers. I'd also have a few more enemies and men in white coats following me around town! The truth is, I never could. When I really journal, I can write the most terrible and atrocious things I can possibly think of. On the other hand I can write some of the sweetest lines ever written. It all depends on my mood at the moment of writing and often times my journal entires are littered with bipolar episodes. I'll write things I normally don't mean. I'll write about things that are irritating me at that minute. (I've also been known to write about the paper quality and the smoothness of the pen I'm using...so maybe it wouldn't be more interesting.) But I would hate for people to completely misinterpret things I write. I'm a very "This is How I Feel Right Now, I'm Going to Go with It" person. If I'm angry, I'm horrific. If I'm happy, I'm overly becoming and if I'm stressed, I'm just a mess. I tend to do the same thing in person when I'm around people I'm comfortable with. I'll mouth off on anything and I think in a way it makes me a terrible person. But whatever right?

Blah blah blah I keep ranting and raving... Boo boo boo. Jeez people are going to think I do nothing at work....I'm just, I don't know. Maybe working out yesterday is sent TOO MUCH oxygen to the brain. That combined with a cup of coffee, breakfast and about 3 hours of sleep, lethal combination for LO. His brain must be rotting reading this! My apologies my friend!

Lackluster Seems to Be A Common Theme Around Here.

I've been in a lackluster mood. Just completely bored and fed up with everything. There's much to do and I don't want to do any of it. Spain is coming soon and I'm not as excited as I once thought I would be. It's kinda like, oh another hassle yay! Blah blah blah.

Maybe I shouldn't blog when I'm in a miserable mood. Maybe I should blog about something more meaningful. Like world events. What can I say though that hasn't been said, and saying it doesn't really bring people towards action. I think I get more of a response from blogging about my socks and what not than actually discussing politics or world events. People are more interested and outraged by what I had or didn't have for lunch than they are about what the Bush administration does. (Ok, that's a stretch...but I like exaggerating!)

Maybe I should keep an anthro related blog. But I really don't know that much to discuss on it. I'm not John Hawks or Dienekes or Kambiz (and basically anyone from Anthropology.net). I don't know enough to give meaningful insight on new research and what not. But maybe trying will get me somewhere....eventually!

I probably should get to doing work. And just think about all of that later. Andrew and I are going to attempt to play racquetball tonight. I say attempt because:

1. I have terrible hand eye coordination. I'll miss the ball everytime and/or get hit in the face.
   
2. I don't have a clue as to how to go about going to the racquetball courts. Do I have to reserve them? Are they just first come first serve?
   
3. We're just completely unfit. I couldn't run away from someone who was trying to take away me life! I don't see myself overly exerting myself for a little blue ball. (Though last night I jogged with ease)
   

Andrew also wants to start swimming. I told him I need a decent bathing suit. Sure I have a nice bikini....but you can't do freestyle in that. Well you can at the beach when you're not trying to be hardcore about it. But usually when I try to swim to swim in a bikini.....I put on a show!

Ok...off to work now!

SPAM, it's Not Just in Cans Anymore!

Where does all the damned junk mail come from. No I don't care about Furniture sales, or enlarging my penis, or a teen lesbian getting spanked or surpass dxd Ladies angx ass xio banged by zxa boy (because that's not even english for one). Nor do I believe you Mr. Millionaire from Nigeria. (They had the audacity to fax those letters over to the Private Bank...that makes it seem even more legit.) UGH! There's just too much junk and not just in my inbox, but in life in general and I just want to rent a dumpster and get rid of it all.

There's just too much....too much! Too much carbon monoxide for me to bear.......

Late Night Rants.

It's been a month since I left Citi and according to Andrew I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't complain as much, nor am I anywhere near as angry. Probably because I feel like I'm doing something somewhat important with me time other than wasting my life. Granted, I don't feel like I want to be an administrative assistant for the rest of my life, but being at Rutgers is helping me figure out a direction I want to go into with my life. For example, I've seen Dr. Haviland advise a bit and the craziness that goes on in the office, and that makes me want to one day be an adviser. Here I look up to my boss as a role model rather than dreading having to talk to them. It's more of a situation where I can see myself doing that in a few years, and I can see myself doing that and actually enjoying myself. Whereas at Citi, I didn't want to imagine myself being there in a few years. I didn't see myself becoming a banker, a service officer, an investment person. (Or as everyone's business card there says Assistant Vice President or Vice President)

I must say though that from Citi, I definitely miss the people. I miss walking into Beatriz's office and having conversations with her about anything random. I miss Eleni talking to me in half Greek half English. I miss Anna telling me about the Getty and hearing about her passion for Art History. I miss Francis and Magaly. I miss Johanna and her silliness and I miss Sebastian. I miss Benita and I wonder how she's doing constantly. Even though I liked such a large group of people there, I couldn't stay any longer. Sure the money was nice, and the people I interacted with the most were great. But the whole environment of the business, the fact that I felt like there I would be just stuck in this ridiculous rat race that people call life. Not that I think other people there are doing so and I don't mean to criticize anyone there or anyone that wants to choose that lifestyle. I'm just not cut out for that world.

So at least now I'm getting some inkling as to what I eventually want to do for the rest of my life. Ok, maybe that's worded incorrectly. I've always known what I want to do for the rest of my life, that's to do absolutely nothing. (Unless at some given point and time I felt like actually doing something) What I mean to say is that I'm starting to figure out something that I'd like to do to make the years in between now and my retirement all the more enjoyable. And since I was being realistic and honest, we'll change the above to "in between now and my 'time to go,'" (Because let's face it, I pee like an 80 year old now and seem to lose things just like them...but the time I actually hit that age, I'll be pissing on myself and forgetting about it!) most enjoyable.

A while ago I read a blog that one of Patricia's friends wrote about marriage and how it's ultimately settling. Now that I think about it, we should expect marriage to be settling. How many of us are actually doing what we planned on doing? How many of us will ever be doing something they planned on doing? And how many of us are just going to pick something that pleases us enough to make it through the day. If we're going to be settling on what makes us happy, why is it so hard to imagine that we settle on who makes us happy?

Life is one giant compromise. A lucky few get everything they want and the others just have to find things to make them content. That's how the cookie crumbles.

This is Just to Say

This is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
- William Carlos Williams

I don't remember when I first came across this poem. It may have been when my sister was writing a paper on "The Red Wheelbarrow." and I was curious to see what else this poet had written (at the time I think I was rather stunned at how you could write anything lengthy about that poem to begin with). Or maybe it was after I had to deal with "The Red Wheelbarrow" on my own and wanted to see what else Williams had to offer. Maybe it was in that Freshmen English text book I "borrowed" from Mrs. Fedynyshyn's class. Who knows?! Whatever it was though I'm glad I came across it.

Andrew makes fun of me for liking it. It's too simple. I think putting it in my aim profile caused LO to write a similar poem of his own as a rebuttle once. I'm fine with people not understanding why a 12 line poem, that is essetinally three sentences long is one of my most favorite poems...but I'm also a little irked by it.

One of the main reasons why I like the poem is the instant visualization I get. I can see the actually act of the poem happening. When I read the poem I see the speaker in my head relishing in the plums. I see the poem being left as a note on the icebox to the plum owner. The crushed face of that recipient. I can see the plums themselves, the glorious, juicy, perfection worthy plums. The visual I get from the poem is so complex that I can even feel the receiver's dissapointment and the speaker's false apologies. And yet I know that this poem goes beyond an insincere apology over a ruined breakfast. I get the deeper meaning, I see the "universal truth" (for lack of a better term) in it. The fact however, that it's so simple and creates such a familiar image and a powerful image to me makes it so genius. Everything that needed to be told is stated in three simple lines. Three lines that tell a story that almost everyone can relate to. Three lines that work the magic of 20 or thirty.

It actually makes me quite jealous, I wish I could capture something so complex into simple language. I wish I could capture every single little idea or visual or scenario that sparked in my head into three sentences, 12 lines, one short poem and then feel free to just send it off to the world.

This morning's ride in was like going to a bakery. I saw a French Cookie I wanted, but I knew better than to go and get it. Hopefully tomorrow will be the same!