Chocolate Covered Oreos....FOR THE WIN!

Indecision 08

More like Irritation 08. The first presidential election I got to vote in was 04. And I was excited. I thought I'd be able to oust Bush. Everywhere on campus there was this Rush to get everyone registered to vote. Even though I was eh about Kerry, he wasn't Bush. And it'd be cool to have Skeletor as President or the old guy behind every Scooby Doo haunting. Added bonus to not being Bush. That didn't happen. I felt so let down. Completely let down. Midterm elections came. I voted again. Democrats were going to take over the house. I believed Nancy Pelosi when she said they were going to take over and correct things. Suddenly Democrats would grow back their shrunken testicles and do something about this idiot in office. She'd be the first female president of the country too (if they impeached both Cheney and Bush.) That never happened, we're still in Iraq and at that point gas prices only remained low before midterm elections. I thought third time will be the charm. Right? Isn't that the expression. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Do democrats never learn? I didn't like any of the potential democratic nominees. I had to fight with people I know because I'm not an Obamanite which pretty much means you're stupid and you want another four years of Bush.

This will be my third election. And yet again, it's another choice of not between the greatest, but the lessor of two evils. Blah! Then they wonder why the youth is apathetic towards politics!

Words

Andrew sent me an awesome site that I've been playing around with most of the morning and I got to make this:

You can do this to, just go to here and put in a site and stuff.

I think Ruby had an art assignment like this once when she took text design. I thought it was one of the coolest classes she had and definitely an awesome assignment.

Today's Andrew's birthday. Since I won't be around tonight, I woke him up at 2am...or quarter to to give him his present. I was supposed to do it at midnight, but I completely lost track of time watching Season One of The L Word. I bought him I Like You by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. If only because I think the following lines are completely us:

You know how to be silly
That's why I like you
Boy are you ever silly
I never met anybody sillier than me
till I met you
I like you because
You know when it's time to stop being silly
Maybe day after tomorrow
Maybe never
Oops too late
It's quarter post silly

I think he liked it. I'm sure he didn't appreciate being woken up. I never know how to read his responses. I can't tell if he's really happy, or if he's just humoring me. I would have really liked to have gotten that. (Not that I think him getting me Rock Band was a bad idea...cause it was great) But this was cute...and I know he hates birthdays. So it was just something small and cute, and maybe ultimately too girlie and mushy...I don't know. Or maybe he was just tired because I woke him up at 2am? That may have just been it.

I've come to notice that I've become really impatient lately. I'm going down to Wildwood...and the one thing I'm not looking forward to is the drive. I just want to get there! I don't want to sit in traffic for probably 3+ hours just to get there. I just want to get there. When I watch shows on my computer, I find myself scrolling through parts just to get to where I want. Even with movies...I want to fast forward to the end...so I know what happens. I wonder why. Maybe I just need to go somewhere that's slower than here...and just relax. Isn't the middle supposed to be the best part? Isn't the end supposed to be so empty? Bah who knows...maybe I just need a nap. Maybe I'm always rushing...just to go to sleep! :)

Talked to Danny about how I feel. Which got no where and if it did, it was more backwards than forwards. I think he felt like I was accusing him and in turn I then felt like he blew off my feelings. If I came across as accusatory and condescending I didn't intend on doing so. I simply wanted to let him know how I felt and explain why I acted the way I did. I just wanted him to know where I was coming from. Oh well. You can't please all the people all the time right?

Bloggity blog blog. In some instances a modern form of whining...brought on a global scale. Now even you on the other side of the planet can be wise of my own personal melodrama. Making the world a much smaller place.

Yet, it's almost a censored sort of whining. Granted, some people like to be more candid with their posts. I however, like to think that I choose a more vague and cryptic writing style. One that although it addresses some sort of issue, chooses to skirt around all the factors leading up to it. Partly because I like to save face and the other part s because I don't want to deal with what mentioning specifics would bring about.

I've been in a peculiar mood all day. Woke up feeling sticky from the on setting humidity of the day. Along with a slight headache and a killer thirst. I felt gross, I could smell the alcohol off my skin, which I didn't even think I drank enough to warrant that type of response from my body. I went to the bathroom, then convinced my self to drink a bottle of water and return to bed, before I woke the sleeping giant that would become my stomach if I become conscious of how I awful I might really feel. Went back to sleep and woke up much later than I had expected. Headache was practically gone though I woke up even stickier. Made myself some toast, took a shower and spent the day with my sister. Saturday night, I went to the Breakfast Club for god knows what reason. That club does not warrant 15 of my hard earned dollars for entry. Especially when it's 80s mix has gotten pretty eh. It was much better a few years ago. I definitely had a better time the last time I was there. Nor do I plan on going there again for quite a while. Friday night I stayed in and watched the Prestige. No super exciting weekend plans.

I took two showers today to get the gross off of me. It's amazing how cathartic a shower can be and just how ultimately rejuvenating they are. I do some of my best thinking in the shower and I always feel relaxed and different after one. Regardless of my mood, a shower I've noticed can put me in almost the right state of mind. A shower and a mug of green tea works even greater wonders.

Saturday night wasn't as fun as previous nights in the same location, because I spent it around a few people who I know have no genuine interest in me. Why I went is beyond me, I guess my experimental side was intrigued. Granted I still had a good time due in part to the fact that I was with my two comrades and upon my return home, I was treated to an entertaining phone call with Abc. But everyone else...I'm struggling to find the precise words I want to use. I know it wouldn't bother me as much, if it weren't for the fact that one of them used to be someone I considered a good friend for a number of years. And that is the part that's most disheartening. As I've gotten older, it's been easier for me to deal with people not liking me. I don't like most people, I suppose they have the same right to not like me either. But not being liked by someone who's been there for a long time, that's still upsetting. Especially when they just try to save face.

I know if I ever brought it up, I'd be "thinking too much into it" or be told that no one cares. And yet part of me feels like I should've seen this coming a long long time ago.

Nobody can live on a bridge
or plant potatoes
but it is fine for comings and goings,
meetings, partings and long views
and a real connection to someplace else
where you may
in the crazy weathers of struggle
now and again want to be.

It's true, no one can live on a bridge, but it's there I suppose if you need it. Though....




Odd, because for the first time in a long time, I feel utterly alone and without the same bridge for those who'd always have one with me...


Tomorrow begins running and with it I hope a clearer mind. An excuse to focus on my body, and to take a second shower and hopefully with it a chance to shake off this feeling.

We can all assume what I am doing tonight. Though realistically, the Heineken is optional. We are fun even without it...imagine that!

Thems be my plans tonight. If you have my digits, feel free to contact me and ask if you too can partake.

To be of use
by Marge Piercy

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, if you hold that desire with singleness of purpose.

--Abraham Lincoln

I'm terrible when it comes to determination. I give up before the going gets anywhere near being remotely tough. I have a hard time accepting the fact that the first time I attempt something it's not going to be easy and I'm not going to do it perfectly. I used to be too concerned with what people thought about me looking like a fool when I was trying something they were already experts at. I was raised with the notion that when you do something, you do it perfectly. There is no trying, there's just doing. Regardless of how many times you may or may not have done whatever it may be. My father is a perfectionist. Which translated into his daughters being perfect. Not that I necessarily want to place all the blame on him. It's my fault for falling into that idea for so long, I'm a grown woman I should be able to make my own decisions.

I've always known that I lack discipline. Yet my own admission never bothered me. It still hasn't bothered me. What bothers me is that Andrew considers it my greatest flaw. It hits a lot harder when it comes from someone that looks at you the same way Andrew looks at me. I don't like it when someone else says I can't do something. It makes me want to prove them wrong. And I don't like it when Andrew thinks I have a flaw. Although I know it doesn't make him like me any less, it still bothers me. It's still something I should improve.

I'm not as hopeless as I think I am either. I have small examples of where I've proven some sort of dedication. I finish this summer class, which as easy as Spanish 101 is....no class is enjoyable when you work 40 hours a week and go to class for two hours 4 days of week after that. Added with homework and a bunch of the regular house work I've had to do. And, I've stuck around in this relationship for six years and it hasn't always been all roses and smiles. So that's some determination. So I have some somewhere, I just need to tap that source more often.

What's my test to prove this to me? Running. I've gone off again on again with running. It's like a lover I keep returning too. I know things are better with her in my life, but I always let the nonsense take precedence over her. Not this time. Nope, not this time. This time, running is going to be in my life for good. I'm going to make up with running....just like New Balance has been telling me. Why? It's not that I ever think I'll be great. Nor do I particularly care about being great, it's just a goal I've always had for myself. I want to run a marathon, I want to be in a triathlon. Plus, running's pretty cheap to get into. It's not like I need to buy a super awesome bike....sure I have to spend some dough on sneaks...but it's not ridiculous money. In addition to that, I know my body. I'm short, but I'm not gracile like other short girls. It's not that I'm short and large. I'm just of a stockier build. I don't think I was meant to sit around and be "cute." I was an active little kid. I liked getting dirty, I liked playing rough, I always played with the boys. So what's my goal....my goal is to reach the third week and that ninth run. I've read at Runner's World that the ninth run is the make or break point. I've given up at that point and before tha tpoint. But this time, I'm going to destroy that point. It'll be behind me as a milestone! I'm going to keep running, I'm going to finish my first marathon and when I make it to the finish line, Andrew will be there waiting for me...just so he can hear me say, "I told you so." Which I know he'll accept with big smiles.

I've been motivated all week. I've read articles, prepared motivation ideas in my head and I'll finalize them all on my day off tomorrow. The running starts next week. And I believe I'm going to start blogging about how I feel each day. Hopefully on the 6th of September, I'll be able to tell you that I feel great!

This is an advertisement I saw on a website for I'm assuming an online university. My whole thing is....why do they all look like priests...except for the HR officer...she's amazed at their priestliness too.

Of course I find them all ridiculously cute!

Today is my final in Spanish and I didn't study at all! I should've called out of work, I'm exhausted! EXHAUSTED. I'm taking off Friday though to spend the day with the boy and possibly get things done. (And by get things done I mean level up my Priest! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) I'll probably renew my license too, since I have to do that before this month is up. If only because it'll make getting into bars and getting drinks difficult and certainly not because I use the damned thing. I also have to pick up my bridesmaid's dress and might look into getting a haircut. (Haircut not on Friday...maybe Saturday morning.) Somewhere in this grand scheme of things will be a trip to the bank and some other nonsense. Pretty much I'll try to get as much done as possible.

Friday is super mega holiday in Greece, third largest religious holiday post Easter and Christmas. It's the day we commemorate Panagia's ascent into heaven. I take off on Name Days apparently. (I took off on mine!) It's my sister's name day that day, as well as my cousins' and my grandfather's. The later two will get a phone call, but I'll visit my sister and bring her goodies on her γιορτή.

I have no idea what this weekend has in store for me. I had a ton of fun this past weekend hanging out with Holly, who I see more frequently than I have when she was an undergrad. Then again Baltimore is only two hours away. Perhaps when this whole wedding stuff is over, I'll convince the boy that we need to make a ride down that way.

This week I have to plan out my working out regiment. I think to motivate myself I might get one of those boards teachers used to use and put stickers for every day I work out successfully. I should reward myself too, how I'm not quite sure yet. Back to the salt mines.

I busted my ass today at work. Not literally my ass, but shin got that glory. I work at an office that has a large window in front so we can "interact" with students without having them come directly into our office. When the door is locked in the afternoons, rather than using my key to open the door, I always hop the counter. Simply because I can, and I'm lazy. (Although that takes more effort than simply putting the key in the door.) Some days I hit my shin, other days, I clear it just fine. Today was neither of those days. Today, I bashed my shin directly into the edge of the counter, cutting myself and getting the largest bruise. It hurt so much, I had to limp to my desk, lock up slowly and limp to the bathroom before making my escape to Andrew's car and heading off to Spanish Class. It hurt all the way towards class and even walking to the Student Center post class. Let's hope it doesn't hurt tomorrow.

Speaking of Spanish class, I rocked my oral final. 14.25/15. Not to shabby, considering I really only memorized the oral part today! Huzzah. Came home right well into the Giants Pre-Game against the Detroit Loins. They're not doin' too hot and I must admit, this is the most boring game I've ever watched. Almost as boring as Romania v France....ok, maybe not as much!

Came home made Vodka Sauce...from semi scratch (I used canned tomato sauce) and it's DELICIOUS. I love it when I make something not normal and it comes out great. Ate, took a photo of my food and attempt to document my almost broken tibia (exaggerate much), photoshopped a photo of my food. Wrote a blog, bout to post it, going to clean up the mess I leave when I cook and come home. Eventually all of this will be followed by a shower and an attempt to pick out something almost human to go to work in tomorrow.

Here's my delicious cavatelli and vodka sauce!


(It's off to a third of the photo because Katie says that looks "artistic." I'll take her word for it...I guess. )

This weekend, my plans are few and far in between. Meeting up with Lesia to discuss things tomorrow night, probably going to come back here and attempt studying for my actual final. Then I'll probably hang out with Holly while she comes to visit us. Ruthy and I should think of what we want to do with her.

My Final Exam

This is what I have to memorize for my exam. I think I have almost all of it. In red are the parts I don't remember. I wrote it with the help of my partner and under the supervision of my professor...who corrected my grammar. Which wasn't much, I'm impressed. I actually like Spanish and would like to keep learning more. But I've never really met a language I didn't like...

A: ¿Por que inventó el cierre?

B: Inventé el cierre porque no me gusto los botones. El cierre es más fácil y rápido.

A: ¿Cuanto tiempo le tomó inventar el cierre?

B: Me tomó cerca de veinte años para inventarlo. Fue muy difícil trabajar y necesité un trabajo muy detallado cometí muchas errores y muchas fallas.

A: ¿Para que utilizaste por primera vez los cierres?

B: La primera vez, lo utilizaron en las bolasas de correo.

A: ¿Ganaste mucho dinero por inventar los cierres?

B: No, solo un poco. En ese tiempo el cierre no era popular. Pero cuando los jeans hicieron populares, el cierre fue muy popular. Sin embargo, yo vendí la patente tres años antes.

A: ¿Estudiaste ciencias?

B: Si, estudié muchas ciencias. Física, química, biología, geología, ingeniera. También estudié matemáticas. El cierre es muy complicado y es necessario saber muchas ciencas.

A: ¿Donde estuvieron viviendo cuando inventó el cierre?

B: Yo viví en el sótano de mi mama en Chicago.

None of this is based on factual information, so if you're reading this and going, none of this is about the guy who invented the zipper...don't leave me a glaring comment about my stupidity. I just had to make up things I could remember. Although it is true, the first zippers (which looked nothing like a zipper) were used on mailbags. And the guy didn't make much money, he actually died before the word zipper was ever coined!

Sleepy sleepy Tuesday and Monday. I don't know how I make it through the week. Class is coming to a close, I need to review what's been going on in my life. I sort of got somethings accomplished today. Blah blah blah. Ha ha ha so much for writing!

A picture is worth 1000 words...a captioned picture....1008.

That's how I felt this morning...I still feel the same way.

If Monday were a person, I'd stab him in the face. Which would quickly be followed by a high five from the mischievous Friday and his crew of Weekend Miscreant Fun Lovers!

Τι σου 'κανα και πίνεις

This has to be one of the best songs of all time. So you can watch both versions and read the lyrics :)


Τι σου 'κανα και πίνεις
Τι σου 'κανα και πίνεις, τσιγάρο στο τσιγάρο
κι είν' τα πικρά σου μάτια στο πάτωμα καρφιά

Πες μου για δε μ' αφήνεις με δυο φιλιά να πάρω
απ' τα θολά σου μάτια τη μαύρη συννεφιά
Πες μου για δε μ' αφήνεις με δυο φιλιά να πάρω
απ' τα θολά σου μάτια τη μαύρη συννεφιά

Οι πόνοι που σε σφάζουν, πόνοι διπλοί για μένα
σταλάζουν στην καρδιά μου τα δάκρυα που κλαις

Να 'ξερες πως σπαράζουν τα μέσα μου για σένα
που στέκεσαι μακρυά μου και λόγο δε μου λες
Να 'ξερες πως σπαράζουν τα μέσα μου για σένα
που στέκεσαι μακρυά μου και λόγο δε μου λες

Αμίλητό μου στόμα, φεγγάρι μου σβησμένο
ανάθεμα την ώρα και τη βαριά στιγμή
Όλα για σε τα δίνω, τα δίνω και πεθαίνω
για να μη σε αγγίξουν ξανά οι στεναγμοί


Στίχοι: Λευτέρης Παπαδόπουλος
Μουσική: Μίμης Πλέσσας


You can just feel the pain and heartache in both the lyrics and I think the music does such a good job of making that feeling even stronger.