Bloggity blog blog. In some instances a modern form of whining...brought on a global scale. Now even you on the other side of the planet can be wise of my own personal melodrama. Making the world a much smaller place.

Yet, it's almost a censored sort of whining. Granted, some people like to be more candid with their posts. I however, like to think that I choose a more vague and cryptic writing style. One that although it addresses some sort of issue, chooses to skirt around all the factors leading up to it. Partly because I like to save face and the other part s because I don't want to deal with what mentioning specifics would bring about.

I've been in a peculiar mood all day. Woke up feeling sticky from the on setting humidity of the day. Along with a slight headache and a killer thirst. I felt gross, I could smell the alcohol off my skin, which I didn't even think I drank enough to warrant that type of response from my body. I went to the bathroom, then convinced my self to drink a bottle of water and return to bed, before I woke the sleeping giant that would become my stomach if I become conscious of how I awful I might really feel. Went back to sleep and woke up much later than I had expected. Headache was practically gone though I woke up even stickier. Made myself some toast, took a shower and spent the day with my sister. Saturday night, I went to the Breakfast Club for god knows what reason. That club does not warrant 15 of my hard earned dollars for entry. Especially when it's 80s mix has gotten pretty eh. It was much better a few years ago. I definitely had a better time the last time I was there. Nor do I plan on going there again for quite a while. Friday night I stayed in and watched the Prestige. No super exciting weekend plans.

I took two showers today to get the gross off of me. It's amazing how cathartic a shower can be and just how ultimately rejuvenating they are. I do some of my best thinking in the shower and I always feel relaxed and different after one. Regardless of my mood, a shower I've noticed can put me in almost the right state of mind. A shower and a mug of green tea works even greater wonders.

Saturday night wasn't as fun as previous nights in the same location, because I spent it around a few people who I know have no genuine interest in me. Why I went is beyond me, I guess my experimental side was intrigued. Granted I still had a good time due in part to the fact that I was with my two comrades and upon my return home, I was treated to an entertaining phone call with Abc. But everyone else...I'm struggling to find the precise words I want to use. I know it wouldn't bother me as much, if it weren't for the fact that one of them used to be someone I considered a good friend for a number of years. And that is the part that's most disheartening. As I've gotten older, it's been easier for me to deal with people not liking me. I don't like most people, I suppose they have the same right to not like me either. But not being liked by someone who's been there for a long time, that's still upsetting. Especially when they just try to save face.

I know if I ever brought it up, I'd be "thinking too much into it" or be told that no one cares. And yet part of me feels like I should've seen this coming a long long time ago.

Nobody can live on a bridge
or plant potatoes
but it is fine for comings and goings,
meetings, partings and long views
and a real connection to someplace else
where you may
in the crazy weathers of struggle
now and again want to be.

It's true, no one can live on a bridge, but it's there I suppose if you need it. Though....




Odd, because for the first time in a long time, I feel utterly alone and without the same bridge for those who'd always have one with me...


Tomorrow begins running and with it I hope a clearer mind. An excuse to focus on my body, and to take a second shower and hopefully with it a chance to shake off this feeling.