Into The Night

I'm beyond tired. At least that's how I feel when I wake up. Why I'm up even now amazes me, I should be sleeping, but instead up doing three days worth of Targum Crossword puzzles for reasons unbeknownst even to me!

I'm having a difficult time journaling, in the normal pen and paper sense. I feel that anything I write is, well just stupid and pointless. My feelings and my thoughts feel forced and when I even try to hold on to any creative thought process that might pass through my head, it simply disappears. Gone, like a flash of light. This makes blogging equally difficult, because if my journals are empty then there's no reason for this to exist.

Dinner at home with the parents. Weird though, it's no longer their home. I realized that NJ Transit riles me up. Being on the platform, waiting for the train and then sitting in one of those blue odd patterned seats in the middle of the pink car with a bunch of people walking slowly and talking a bit too loudly all spark up some hidden ire in me. That entire journey to Perth Amboy was another saga. One I care not to blog over and one I'm too lazy to write. It's the same old song and dance with that scenario.

Where has all of my inspiration gone? My motivation has shifted from actually doing something to merely doing things that bring me momentary pleasure. It seems like now I'm only thirsty for a glass of water, rather than hoping for something more tastey. And maybe the truth is that I always lived in some delusion where I was extraordinary and need to start focusing more on the fact that I'm ordinary and lack the extra.

Blah blah blah.....I think it's time for sleep and a new play list, this sure is a downer.

On a happier note, I forgot to mention that last week I saw Carmen perform at the Red Lion Cafe. A night of firsts I must say: First time I saw Carmen perform, first time I went into the Red Lion Cafe, and the first time I saw Carmen in about three years. (Ok, that one's not true, I saw him earlier this winter, but whatever!) It was nice seeing him again after so long and knowing that he's up to good things and getting to talk to him for more than a second. It was an even greater pleasure watching him perform. I bought his EP, it's excellent. Hope he keeps doing his thing and I get to continue watching him do so! He's on the myspace somewhere if anyone is interested.

I do believe it's time for me to sleep.