How does a Monday go from shittastic to utterly terrible within less than two hours? The thing is I still have a doctor's appointment to go to tonight. And it's not exactly the kind of doctor I love going to!

Here's a list of things I really want to do tonight:

• eat some ice cream
• listen to ridiculously depressing songs
• paint (maybe)
• cry for a good hour or so by myself
• get eaten alive by my kitten
• fall asleep and wait for tomorrow to prove to be better.

Instead I have to :

• work
• go to the doctor
• go food shopping
• do laundry
  

Blech!

I'm a little peeved and extremely paranoid and part of me is extremely indifferent. I just don't care anymore, although I feel a bit hurt. If I could change my blog name for just a day, I'd pick the word "shitastic" because that's exactly how I feel. And to be honest, I was in a great mood...and I woke up at 4:45 today. How can you be in a good mood that early in the morning? Blech.

Add Drop Period Means Paper Craziness!

This is the neater part of my desk. The other side looks worse and my piles have now officially become piles!

Why Asshole Should Come With More Examples In the Dictionary.

Someone on Yahoo answers posted a very simple question regarding RockBand 2 and how to save people using the drums. Makes sense, why read the manual when you can just ask online? Or maybe you don't have the manual. Perhaps the print is too small for your eyes! Anywho regardless of your reasons for asking, why would someone answer:

Um.....i have NO idea what you're talking about....?

And his source be:

OHH!!! It's a GAME! Like Guitar Hero? That's why i have no clue, I'm a REAL guitarist, played shows , recorded , etc. ...Sorry , i'm not a "Gamer".

My complaints, which may be attributed to my already unsavory disposition, are as follows:

1. Apparently, you're not exactly great with grammar! I hope your guitar playing abilities fare much better! Perhaps you're not a grammarian either!
   
   
2. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ANSWER?! Look, no one plays these games and then thinks they are a rock legend. It's just for fun. The fact that you take it so seriously is ridiculous! Oh you're a REAL guitarist. Did anyone question your musical ability or need validation of your self perceived awesomeness? Oh no, that's right, someone was looking for help! You however, simply needed to show off how small your cock -- or lack there of -- truly is!

And if you're questioning my intentions, well surely you can include this entire post as simply another example of an asshole.

i am a font jukie.

and i have a cat that is way too curious about the items on my desk.

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people right now. Go on guess.

One) I find you completely ridiculous and you give in too easily.
Two) I find your smile to be completely infectious and I'm glad you're always able to put me in a good mood.
Three) Sometimes, I find you attractive and the thought of that disturbs me. I don't want to fall into the cliche scenario, but sometimes I can't help it.
Four) You're entirely too good for me and I don't deserve you, but I'm glad you think I'm awesome.
Five) I wish I could make you see what an amazing woman I always thought you were, instead of the shell you've become. You were always my superhero as a kid.
Six) I miss being around you and I wish I could see you more often.
Seven) I wish you'd stop your foolish lying, I'm not seven anymore and I'm pretty good at detecting bullshit.
Eight) You're the most amazing person I've ever met and the only reason I came out alright. That makes me feel a bit guilty, because I know how much you did to make sure I always had a smile on my face. I hope one day I can come close to ever returning the favor.
Nine) You're the goofiest genius I've ever met!
Ten) I have such a hard time explaining why we don't keep in touch anymore and I wonder what you're up to.

9 Things about myself...
One) I l can be selfish, but there's a select few that I'd be completely selfless for.
Two) I have lots of anxiety.
Three) I have tons of goals, but I'm scared I lack the ambition and drive to accomplish them.
Four) Painting and cooking are two things I don't care about failing.
Five) I want to live on a farm for a bit.
Six) Everyone bothers me sometimes at some point.
Seven) I joke about everyone and everything.
Eight) I have a soft spot for awful reality tv.
Nine) I know exactly what it is I want to do with my life, I'm just terrified of actually doing it. There's cyclopes along the journey folks!

8 ways to win my heart...

1. Be able to take a joke.
2. Make me laugh
3. Be extremely silly.
4. Don't agree with me on everything, have a backbone.
5. Get into good conversations with me.
6. Feed me.
7. Challenge me.
8. Get along with my friends

7 things that cross my mind a lot...

One) Graduate School.
Two) Hypothetical Situations
Three) The Stories I want to write
Four) My relationships.
Five) My cat
Six) Random worries
Seven) What am I going to eat.

6 things i do before i fall asleep...

One) go to the bathroom
Two) make sure i have clothes for tomorrow
Three) tell andrew I'm going to sleep
Four) say gnight to my buddies
Five) put up an away message
Six) Check it the alarm is set.

5 people who mean a lot to me...

One) Maria
Two) Ruthy
Three) Andrew
Four) Erica
Five) My parents

4 things im wearing right now...

One) Socks
Two) Pants
Three) Underthings

Four) shirt

3 songs i listen to often at the moment...

One) Gravity- Sara Bareilles
Two) Delicate - Damien Rice
Three) Picked me - A Fine Frenzy

2 things i want to do before i die...

One) Travel the globe
Two) Complete an Iron Man

1 confession
I worry all the time. Every second. Always.

How many people have you completely fallen for?

One

What color underwear are you wearing?

Black

Whats on your mind?
Everything and Anything

Have you done anything bad today?

Nope

Do you watch American Idol?

Nope

Who makes you happy most of the time?

The Drew, My Cat, My Sister and Bro -in Law, and my peeps.

When was the last time you did something illegal?

A while ago

Do you want to see anyone the very minute?

Maybe

Do you have a deep secret?

Everyone does

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Nowhere and everywhere

What was the last text you got, and what did it say?

Something about being in New Brunswick Soon

What are you sick of?

People

What do you want right now?

Go home eat and sleep

Would you use family connections to get a job?

Ha ha ha, my family doesn't have any connections.

Are you desperate?
Nope

Have you ever made anyone cry?

Yes I have.

Have you ever gotten stabbed in the back by a friend?

No, I've gotten tossed aside and treated as if the last 10 years meant nothing though. That's even worse.

Do you believe in god?

Not at all. Imaginary men cause problems when they are placed on a pedestal by bad meaning men.

Are you normally a happy person?

Yep

What makes you mad?
It'd be a shorter list if you asked what didn't anger me.

What is you're greatest fear?

Fear itself.

Do you like people?
Some people.

Are you annoying to people?

People annoy me, so I'm sure I annoy them.

What would you do if you walked in on your GF/BF with another person?

I have no idea.

What religion annoys you the most?

Actually no religion annoys me. It's when people abuse religion and turn it into something disgusting that I become annoyed.

If you could have one superpower what would it be?

Telepathy or Teleportation.

Who is the last person you hugged?

The Drew

If you could go back 3 years and change something what would it be?

I wouldn't change anything, I am who I am because of what I've done.

What's your favorite thing to talk about?

everything.

Would you sleep with someone for a million dollars?

It depends on who....ha ha ha

Would you kill someone for a million dollars?

Nope

Fuck you Eagles! Ha ha ha! I'm not actually angry. My team didn't get slaughtered like the last team the Eagles played. I'm disappointed that they didn't bring it, like they should have. So actually, like a decent person does, I have to say, good game to the Eagles. We didn't want it more, they did. Though I hope you lose next week! :).

On a bigger and more important note. I'm infuriated and it has nothing to do with the game. Which is why I wanted to get my spiel about the game out before I started saying I was pissed. Because I'm not pissed about the game. I'm just upset over it.

I think part of me is angrier that I bit my tongue for so long and didn't get what I've been wanting to say out for the longest time and the other part of me is angry for knowing that I was wasting my time and constantly hearing about how I'm wasting my time, but still choosing to do so. I can only be angry at myself for that.

But for the record. Dealing with a friend doesn't include the times you chose to hang out with them. That's part of being a friend. Dealing with a friend isn't even proof-reading their papers or listening to them babble on about nonsense. That all comes with the territory of being a friend. Friends do things like that for each other. It's the whole reciprocity aspect of being a friend. You scartch my back, I scratch yours and an alliance forms. Dealing with someone however, is always trying to explain to them how you feel and in return having that sentiment blown off by a sweeping statement such as "You think too much" or some other ridiculous excuse that you give to try to say that you're not choosing sides. But you've made is so disturbingly obvious that you have that it's sickening. Not to place all the blame on you though. Chances and common sense tell me that I should've known from the first time you decided to pick someone over me that this friendship was not viewed the same on both sides. It should've been a clear sign that at any given moment you would toss me aside for whoever stroked your ego, or made you feel like you fit in.

A good friend of mine always talks about the loyalty. It irks me. I think it's always been more the word, than the concept. Some words just strike me the wrong way, loyalty has always been one of them. It feels out dated, it sounds as if we are pledging some allegiance to a king or fellowship or something. But the concept, the idea of fidelity, the idea that you're not going to toss the other person aside like an old toy because a newer and shinier one came along, is what she always spoke about.

You think it's merely about disappearing. But it's never simply about that. I have friends disappear on me all the time. Disappearing isn't hanging out with the same group of people and choosing not to acknowledge another. It's not something you just pull up to cover your tracks, when your tracks aren't so easily coverable.

In addition, if you no longer chose to partake in my company, simply come forth and say so. It's better than the bullshit job you're doing of trying to act as if you're so busy. Honesty, regardless of how heartbreaking it may or may not be, is always better. If you don't like who I am anymore, if you find some fault with me then just say so. I've obviously found enough flaws in you to make me even question the reasoning behind my wanting to maintain your friendship. It's the runaround that irritates me the most. Why not just come out and say it, I don't like your company anymore. I don't want to be your friend. You irritate me. It would have saved so much more time. Efficiency people...JEEZ!

Reflections...

I really need to do something about the space I'm taking up here on the interwebs. I always say I'll do something about my blog to make it more....readable, but I never do. I think that I might actually have to at some point. I guess I'll have to add it to my list of 2009 Goals. I mean have you people read this thing? Jesus, talk about sucktastic. I should change the name!! And I should really blog abotu things that interest me more rather than just what I'm up to. I mean by all means, if you care about what I'm up to. I'll insert a random thing here or there...but I should change pace. A new year should mean new things right? At least for the first two weeks of January!

Being old news is the best news! :).