Three Libras

This isn't directed entirely to one person, but rather a number of people and at the same time directed at no one. A rant at it's finest, with some forms of truth in it.


Lately, I've gotten a lot of questions from former friends about where our friendship has gone. What was the cause for this leafless tree in my peopled forest? What was this wintry wind? I have yet to give an answer. Why? I'd like to say there are a myriad of reasons, but quite honestly there are only a small few to explain why a part of me has not passed away from my shrinking forest. One, I haven't sat down and actually thought about it. I haven't sat down to come up with the words. I haven't given it a serious thought until now, where I feel like it's easier to post my blogs. The other reason is because part of me doesn't want to. After this long, after I've put myself out there and umpteen number of times only to be turned away? After I've done all this fighting to save something that you made me think was meaningless to you? I felt like you showed me where I belonged. Your actions mixed in with your bullshit excuses and/or your pathetic lies let me know exactly where I stood. Yet, I sat there, listening to the meaningless drivel spewing forth from your face and coming up with excuses for how you were in order to keep that small tree alive. To save the "friendship" I thought we had. And to come at me now, to come to me after so long and wonder what went wrong and how we could fix it. It's just, it's a little too late. Don't make me sing it like JoJo.

Don't come to me now and ask me what we could do about us being friends. You know what you could've done, you could've not placed me on the back burner. You could've stepped up for me a few times, you could've decided not to make the choice among friends. You could've stopped giving me bullshit lines, you could've been honest with me. "It wasn't my place to invite you." "I'm busy" "I didn't feel like talking to myself" The former president was more believable with his Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq idea. Not only are you insulting the friendship you're insulting me directly. You honestly think I am THAT stupid?! Gee, thanks! No I wouldn't see the plastered photos on social networking sites or OH GOODNESS your away message! Talk about a slap in the face. It's one thing to lie to some one. Everyone does it, that's not the issue, the issue is that you did it so blatantly!

More importantly however, I simply don't care anymore. It's not worth my time, I've put in enough effort. I've over the heartache. I'm on the acceptance phase of the grief and quite honestly, I've never been happier. It's as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, the cage has been opened and I am free. Perhaps it was best that that tree has gone on to become leafless. Because around it, better ones have sprouted. No more liars, no more straining to impress, no more needing to put ridiculous amounts of effort for zero return. So go ahead, stay on your course. Keep your new friends, let my tree become as leafless dead and bare as yours has. Eventually it'll fall completely away and something great will come if it. And though I've said I'd always be here, I'm not longer sure if I want to any longer. No one can live on a bridge, or plant potatoes-- this is true, but I am no longer sure if it is good anymore for comings and goings, and at least for me, it's no longer someplace where I'd like to be.