Via Cory Doctorow and probably one of the best blurbs I've ever read:
Transparency on its own is nothing more than spectacle: it's just another season of Big Brother in which all the contestants are revealed, over and over again, as thugs. Transparency on its own robs as much hope as it delivers, because transparency without justice is a perennial reminder that the game is rigged and that those in power govern for power's sake, not for justice.
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/22656
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/04/obamas-transparency-
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/newsbysector/banksandfinance/5137489/Goldman-Sachs-hires-law-firm-to-shut-bloggers-site.html
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/04/jewel-v-nsa-roundup-media-obamas-position
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/04/boston-college-prompt-commands-are-suspicious
http://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2009/04/cybersecurity-act
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/7962631.stm
http://www.freedomhouse.org/template.cfm?page=383&report=79&group=19
I hate being bs'ed to. I also dislike being cornered and attacked at early hours in the morning. Thems be my two cents!
Running in the rain is one of my favorite things. Ran in the rain yesterday and did a might good job. I'm more excited about this now than ever. I just hope I can keep up my motivation...which I think I can...if I keep looking at this picture I took of myself last night. GROSS! But I suppose facing reality is one of the best ways to commit to something. I hate the way I look and it's not that I want to look like a model. (I'm 4'10, that's never going to happen!) It's just that I'm rolly polly. I knew I was bad, but hot damn I didn't know I was THAT bad. In case you're wondering what the picture is actually for, I'm planning on taking one a day. (Actually two...one from the from and one from the side.) I'm going to do it for a year and then put together a slideshow so I can see my progress. You guys will get to see my progress too. I might actually do a monthly update just for kicks. (And to test the program that I'm planning on using)
I feel good about this bout. August-October proved to me that I had it in me. And granted I had Maria's wedding and that tight dress as added motivation, but I'm not entirely sure if I care about how awesome I look. Sure, vanity is one of my motivations, but it's not the biggest one nor does it have priority. It's just an added perk. It's just that, when I run, when I work out, I feel so powerful. Each step, each minute that passes, each star that I add to the calendar, each moment I get closer to doing one pull up....I just feel myself being that much closer to being the person I want to be.
I'm really glad I have Andrew along for the ride too. His experience as a distance swimmer helps so much not to mention his attitude and his confidence in me that I can do it. I like asking him about his swimming days and how he pushed himself through countless practices and racing a 500. His just do it attitude amazes me. He's just so good at doing something. He honestly doesn't have excuses and I hope to pick that up from him. This is going to lead to sappiness because a big part of the reason why I'm still with Andrew, why I love Andrew is because of his personality and just his outlook on things. With the exception of my sister, I've never met anyone that I wanted to be so much like until I met him. He definitely knows something I don't, but I think I'm learning it very very slowly. Ok, that was enough of that moment.
I'm excited, I think I've reached an important milestone in my outlook. Let's hope I can keep the motivation up!
Those are PERFECTION! Only they have a 34 Inch inseam! DARN IT!
Q: What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I've never actually given this any thought nor am I a big fan of superlatives, nothing is ever the ultimate in my opinion. However, I'd have to say that never being able to see my sister again, that would be miserable.
Q: Where would you like to live?
Anywhere near my friends, family and the ocean. I couldn't live blocked off from the sea.
Q: What is your idea of earthly happiness?
Good friends, good food, good drinks and tons of laughter.
Q: To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
My lack of will power and my ability to be easily distracted.
Q: Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Zorba and Odysseus.
Q: Who are your favorite characters in history?
Marie Antoinette, not because she was a nice person, but because she was audacious. I'm a big fan of ballsy women.
Q: Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
My sister for her selflessness.
Q: Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Tess of the D'ubervilles, Harriet from Harriet the Spy.
Q: Your favorite painter?
Ed Hopper, Gustav Klimt and the obligatory Van Gogh.
Q: Your favorite musician?
Damien Rice, Pyx-Lax, Cake
Q: The quality you most admire in a man?
Sincerity, a good heart and a sense of humor.
Q: The quality you most admire in a woman?
The same as above. I don't think gender makes a big impact when it comes to being a good person.
Q: Your favorite virtue?
Understanding.
Q: Your favorite occupation?
I envy Art and Gym teachers. Ultimately the best occupation though is one that fulfills you.
Q: Who would you have liked to be?
I wouldn't want to be anyone but myself.
Q: Your most marked characteristic?
I'm quite silly.
Q: What do you most value in your friends?
Their understanding and humor.
Q: What is your principle defect?
My desire to do it all and my lack of will power to accomplish any of it!
Q: What would you like to be?
Ultimately, just happy.
Q: What is your favorite color?
It changes daily, but I'll always like black and blue. Like a bruise!
Q: What is your favorite flower?
Lilies, of all sorts.
Q: What is your favorite bird?
Crows.
Q: Who are your favorite prose writers?
Kazantzakis, Kundera, John Irving.
Q: Who are your favorite poets?
Edna St. Vincent Millay, Marge Piercy,
Q: What are your favorite names?
Mythological names and my parents' names actually.
Q: What is it you most dislike?
Selfishness and materialism and general lack of concern for others.
Q: What historical figures do you most despise?
Hmmm, I'd have to get back to you on that.
Q: What event in military history do you most admire?
I don't think I admire any military history!
Q: What natural gift would you most like to possess?
I'd like to be able to draw better and have a much better way with words.
Q: How would you like to die?
In my sleep.
Q: What is your present state of mind?
Bothered by my inability to come up with good answers and bloated. Along with guilty for eating two doughnuts.
Q: What is your motto?
"We come from a dark abyss, we end in a dark abyss, and we call the luminous interval life." Only because it's much more poetic than my "enjoy the moment."
During my lunch break and other free time I have, I like to scour Craigslist. Why? I don't know. I don't even need anything, but the need to know what's out there intrigues me. I'm obsessed and I blame Ruthy. What do I actually look for on the site though? The furniture is my favorite. I love seeing what crap people are trying to sell and what language they use to describe it. I figured I should share my love with the rest of you. So starting now, I'll start listing my personal favorites!
This isn't directed entirely to one person, but rather a number of people and at the same time directed at no one. A rant at it's finest, with some forms of truth in it.
Lately, I've gotten a lot of questions from former friends about where our friendship has gone. What was the cause for this leafless tree in my peopled forest? What was this wintry wind? I have yet to give an answer. Why? I'd like to say there are a myriad of reasons, but quite honestly there are only a small few to explain why a part of me has not passed away from my shrinking forest. One, I haven't sat down and actually thought about it. I haven't sat down to come up with the words. I haven't given it a serious thought until now, where I feel like it's easier to post my blogs. The other reason is because part of me doesn't want to. After this long, after I've put myself out there and umpteen number of times only to be turned away? After I've done all this fighting to save something that you made me think was meaningless to you? I felt like you showed me where I belonged. Your actions mixed in with your bullshit excuses and/or your pathetic lies let me know exactly where I stood. Yet, I sat there, listening to the meaningless drivel spewing forth from your face and coming up with excuses for how you were in order to keep that small tree alive. To save the "friendship" I thought we had. And to come at me now, to come to me after so long and wonder what went wrong and how we could fix it. It's just, it's a little too late. Don't make me sing it like JoJo.
Don't come to me now and ask me what we could do about us being friends. You know what you could've done, you could've not placed me on the back burner. You could've stepped up for me a few times, you could've decided not to make the choice among friends. You could've stopped giving me bullshit lines, you could've been honest with me. "It wasn't my place to invite you." "I'm busy" "I didn't feel like talking to myself" The former president was more believable with his Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq idea. Not only are you insulting the friendship you're insulting me directly. You honestly think I am THAT stupid?! Gee, thanks! No I wouldn't see the plastered photos on social networking sites or OH GOODNESS your away message! Talk about a slap in the face. It's one thing to lie to some one. Everyone does it, that's not the issue, the issue is that you did it so blatantly!
More importantly however, I simply don't care anymore. It's not worth my time, I've put in enough effort. I've over the heartache. I'm on the acceptance phase of the grief and quite honestly, I've never been happier. It's as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, the cage has been opened and I am free. Perhaps it was best that that tree has gone on to become leafless. Because around it, better ones have sprouted. No more liars, no more straining to impress, no more needing to put ridiculous amounts of effort for zero return. So go ahead, stay on your course. Keep your new friends, let my tree become as leafless dead and bare as yours has. Eventually it'll fall completely away and something great will come if it. And though I've said I'd always be here, I'm not longer sure if I want to any longer. No one can live on a bridge, or plant potatoes-- this is true, but I am no longer sure if it is good anymore for comings and goings, and at least for me, it's no longer someplace where I'd like to be.
I haven't updated in ages. But has there been anything blog worthy happening in my life? Not really. I have much to do. The running/working out continues. And after my trip to Boston, I might need to seriously step it up this week. (I ate terribly and I feel like a whale! Or like this lil chickie
Yuck. I have to come up with a new plan. One that involves more sleep for now so I can wake up earlier and work out 2x a day. Let's get on that! I seriously need to step it on and watch how much I eat, what I eat, etc. I might be Special K-ing it for a while! I am going to lose 5lbs by the end the end of April. I don't care how much non eating it takes.
Finally caught up on Supernatural. Sad sad day. Now I have to wait for new episodes. I don't know if I can! It's also getting a bit too serious for me. Just a tad. I need more silliness! I'm sure it'll be back, but you know a show can't be all silly...it needs a main story line!
GRE study front has resulted in epic fail. I'm just not doing it. I'm also not keeping up with my reading. I have these new set goals and I'm not accomplishing any of them! (Except for working out...but I'm only doing that 3x a week!) How many calendars with gold stars can a girl have?! My entire apartment will be nothing but accomplishment boards! Ha ha ha!
Speaking of my apartment, the place is in such a disarray. You wouldn't know it by looking at it, but things are a mess. I want to take a week off in April (probably Holy Week Orthodox Style) to get it together. Nothing like Spring Cleaning for Zombie Jesus Day! I think I am also going to use that week to spice up my Wardrobe. I've been in the mood to change things up. I look like a shmuck. It's time for me to get hot. A bigger change will come again in June. We'll see, it depends on how much weight I lose and how much I want to go shopping.
Charsi cat was in heat again. That slut. I wake up with her ass in my face. I mean I'm all for the ladies, but I stick to my species lil kitty. I feel so bad for her, so I just pet her cute lil face. She should be getting snipped in two weeks anywho. So the cute lil meow exchanges will be done with :(. Yep, my kitty doesn't howl like a banshee when she wants it. She meows all super cute and she'll respond to your meow! I love it! She was pissed when we were gone this weekend. She was very schizo last night and would want to attack and cuddle. Punishment for leaving her! She also followed us everywhere we went. (Signs that she missed us!)
Boston was pretty cool. It's odd, I hate the City, but then I dislike every other US city I've been too for what seems like to me, trying too hard to be the city. I mean there's nothing wrong with Boston, but it has this Little Town/Big City feel and it doesn't really work. It's fun, but it's no New York! A good thing about it not being New York though is that the town actually has deals. We went to a free Brewery Tasting! Harpoon Beer. Their Celtic Ale was delicious! The Cider was good too. That was pretty much all I liked. Everything else was meh. Some (ie the Leviathan) was terrible. That's what ass tastes like. Don't be fooled by the 11.75% alcohol. (Which, honestly if you're going to want to get hammered, get a mixed drink!)
Tastey!
Gross!
And to finish it off with an awesome:
Can you really go wrong with half priced burgers and $6 22ounce drafts? No you can't! That's a meal for $8! (The burgers are normally $5-$6 and yes, they are full sized burgers)That I enjoyed!
Other important tidbits of my trip:
Went to a flea market and saw a bunch of freaky ass paintings. I'll post them up back home. Give me a moment.
The Cape, that was cool. It wasn't wellflette and normally I used to go all over the cape, but that's when I'd visit my cousins in the summer. This was a day. And Kelly's sisters are funny so it was a good time. Got a really cheap sweater, made my day! We also hung out by a camp fire for the rest of the night. I love fire! Andrew and I discussed camping. Can't wait! Real camping too, not fake camping!
Saw Athena and Charlie and Donna for a bit before we split back to the dirty Jerz. Athena is silly and Charlie and Donna, well, they're Charlie and Donna. You can't describe them, you have to meet them! Althought I did discover that my mom calls everyone to gloat. It's not just me! Ha ha ha! All in all it was a good weekend.
The 3.13 front.
Had a pretty good birthday. Nothing insane, those festivities (although I hope not too insane) will partake this weekend, when Ruthless and I celebrate our Quarter Century of Awesomeness together. But for a low key thing it was fun. At work the day before (I took off because working on your birthday is a WACK ATTACK!) they had banners for me and treats. It was so cool. My office makes me feel loved. Went to SYF with the Greeks. Hung out with Peter and Drew till Midnight and got wished a Happy Birthday. Went home and watched an episode of Supernatural. The next day woke up late accomplished some errands. Ruthy came over, she got me Fusion Frenzy and an awesome bag. Played some Fusion Frenzy. Showered got dressed went to my grandparents. Went to SYF with Ruthy, Abe, Maria, Jay, Drewface and Abe. Went back to my apartment got Rugi played video games for a bit. It was just perfect I think. It felt good to turn 25, it's the new 21! Ha ha ha!
Well that just accomplished one task off my to do list. In case you were curious as to what it was here it is:
Laundry
WorkoutBlog
Spice up wardrobe
Figure out schedule for things
Study for GRE
Clean Living Room
Write to Pen Pals
Respond to People who need responses
Work on Paintings
Work on other craft projects
Clean closets.
Budget
Plan Easter Menu
[15:49] Me: i dunno dude
[15:49] Me: it's fucking stupid
[15:49] Me: why do people care so much!
[15:50] Abc: haha idk
[15:50] Me: I wonder why people get rid of me
[15:50] Abc: haha what! i cant imagine that
[15:50] me: i don't fucking pester them about it!
[15:51] Abc: true they shud just put you in thier pockets!
[15:51] me: ahahaha
[15:51] Abc: haha
[15:51] me: like lose change!
[15:51] Abc: haha
Working out: Two weeks each of them with three gold stars! Yay! Although, I think I threw away my February calendar. There goes that accomplishment. :(. The snow put a damper into the running because well, there's ice everywhere now! I'm thinking maybe Andrew and I should hit up the track at Highland Park High School or Buccleuch Park. The workout we're on is my most hated run of them all. I failed this last time. There's just something about 4min run 1 min walk intervals that my body does not like. Maybe it's the number 4, I'm more of a 3 girl. I just lose energy and I don't eat anything at the end of the day. So I go from sitting on my ass for most of the day, to expelling energy, with no energy to expell. Next week, will be a full week of running (hopefully) and I am going to start recording everything I eat. I have to make it a point to eat something jam packed with energy two hours before I run and then drink something a lil bit before I run. Otherwise, this whole thing will never work. On a plus side, I am getting some feedback. I recorded various measurements last night and I've actually lost a lil bit. An inch up top, half an inch in the middle...not so bad. I won't get to my goal weight until July according to Calorie Count. Realistically though, I could careless about the weight, I'm more concerned with how it looks. I always said I wouldn't mind if I weight what I weighted now, if more of it was muscle. I've been doing the same stuff lately, but I think I'll keep my workouts at a month's rotation, so next week begins something else!
I had more to say, but then I started going through stuff on Women's Health and lost all track of time and any other thought process. Blech. Oh wells!
This offensive image came up on a Facebook ad for an IQ test, with the following question: How many eyes in the above image? Most People get this question wrong. Try to beat today's high score.
It's not offensive because it's a fat asian baby. Those cheeks are in fact quite pinch-able. What's offensive about it is that it made my own eyes melt out of my head and roll down my cheeks. That was after having a starting contest with the damned thing...because it eyes SUCKED me in. Horrible.
Running: Back at it again and actually going into it as a champ. A fourth grade playground champion, but I'll take my victories when I can. I guess it's different now, I KNOW I can do it. Although yesterday was a different story. Physically I felt like I could do it, but mentally, I just wasn't there and realistically, everything is a mental battle. I lasted through 2.5 reps and then called it quits. I was simply too tired. We'll see how today fares! I still completed my workout when I got home, so I still get a gold star! That's three for this week so far!
Andrew: I never knew Andrew to be a social awareness kinda guy. Not that I ever thought he didn't care, it's just I always felt like his mind was elsewhere...until you have him going on copyright law. The boy loves the copyright debate LOVES it. And he has a very adamant stance on it. I have to admit, I love it. I love the boy's convictions and principles.
This post: Should be much better, but I'm at work and tired and not really in the mood to blog. I'm in the mood to write, (in my journal or on a sheet of paper that will eventually become my journal) but lately writing has done nothing but make me fall asleep.
My goals for this year: Have been sitting flat, with the exception of working out! I need to get back on the good horse and ride my way into my fantastical sunset of awesomeness.
Tis all for now.
you would think that after a year+ of solid walking 2miles a day, mixed in with a mild running program at some point, my calves would not be what hurts me the most. Though, here I am with such tight calves that merely flexing them brings me pain. It's annoying. Annoying because I don't want it to stop me from running tonight, the same way it stopped me from walking this morning. A run and a bath seem in order for tonight.
I'm super nervous. I have a theory that nothing good ever comes certified mail...and last night we got a notice about getting something certified mail, but no one was home to receive it. This naturally makes my mind spark up ideas of eviction, lay offs, any sort of bad news you can imagine...all in one letter. Blech I hate it. I hate my paranoia.
If your ex REALLY needed you at 3 am, would you go to his/her house?
What the hell would you need me for at 3am? And I don't think he'd call me anywhos. I don't even know where his house is!
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
When is the last time I didn't want to punch someone in their face? That would be a better question.
What is the last thing you spent money on?
Coffee, I shouldn't....but I can't help it. And honestly DnD coffee bites.
What was the last thing you cried about?
I cry everytime I think about how awesome I am.
Could you go a day without eating?
I have, I get migraines.
When was the last time you talked to your number 2 in person?
Who the eff is my number two. Erica? Andrew? I dunno.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a E?
Nope, I don't believe in same Alphabet kissing. Ha ha, kidding! But no I haven't.
Do you smoke weed regularly?
Nope not even irregularly.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Yeah, just about everyone I know...because who DOESN'T love me?
Do you believe in true love?
Yeah in a weird messed up sense of the word love.
When was the last time you were disappointed?
Last night. Stupid Steelers.
Are you playing hard to get right now?
Yeah, I like to spice up my 6 year relationship from time to time.
Do you miss your past?
I miss being a kid, but who doesn't?
What are you doing tonight?
Laundry seems appropriate, but who knows if I'll ever actually do that! I'm lazy.
Honestly, if you could go back 5 months and change something would you?
Um...I can't even recall two weeks ago...I can't remember what happened 5 months ago.
Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
Maybe, but only because they probably envy my awesomeness.
Can you drive stick?
Sure, but can I drive it well....nah. Andrew needs to take me out a couple more times so I can be more comfortable with it.
Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
My pillows, blankets and CharsiCat the Ferocitus.
Has a girl ever seriously punched you?
I have an older sister with fists of mother-effing fury....so yes.
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Nope, because I don't really think there's a reason for anything happening.
What are you doing right this second?
"working"
Have you fixed friendships with anyone lately?
Nope
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
There's a couple of them.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Work and some kind of chore...I have to check my list. Maybe working out.
Have you kissed two people in one night?
Ha! Maybe, probably, yeah.
What do you think about smoking weed?
I don't really mind if people do it, it's just not for me.
How did you wake up this morning?
Alarm and CharsiCat.
Do you believe everything you hear?
No, I only believe everything I read on the internets.
Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
I always feel awkward.
Are you taller than 5'5"?
Nah. Cuteness hardly ever comes in sizes that tall.
If you're being extremely quiet, what’s it mean?
A bunch of different things, I don't feel like talking, I'm sick, I have a headache, I'm concentrating, I'm angry....whatever.
Look outside, how's the weather?
I walked to work I remember it being party cloudy and kinda warm.
How do you feel?
I'm tired and sore and I hope I'm not getting the flu.
Do you trust all your friends?
I trust the ones who deserve it....my paranoia permitting.
Did you like anyone last summer?
I like people generally all seasons of the year.
What's one of your favorite colors?
I like darker colors.
In the past week have you felt stupid?
Yeah, but I always feel stupid.
I have to start posting things of substance....it's actually become one of my "chores." Ha!
How does a Monday go from shittastic to utterly terrible within less than two hours? The thing is I still have a doctor's appointment to go to tonight. And it's not exactly the kind of doctor I love going to!
Here's a list of things I really want to do tonight:
I'm a little peeved and extremely paranoid and part of me is extremely indifferent. I just don't care anymore, although I feel a bit hurt. If I could change my blog name for just a day, I'd pick the word "shitastic" because that's exactly how I feel. And to be honest, I was in a great mood...and I woke up at 4:45 today. How can you be in a good mood that early in the morning? Blech.
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